Living with a depressed spouse can be quite a painful struggle for the other partner. Pain, anxiety, anger, frustrations hijack the healthy happy relationship that you once had.
What is worse that the depressed spouse is sometimes unable to identify his/her own depression? And keeps blaming others for the pain and misery.
But can it be that you are the depressed spouse?
What if your husband is the one who is living with a depressed spouse?
Look closely… are you experiencing any of the following?
Are you way too fatigued in the morning and can barely feel your legs. Does getting out of bed almost feels like moving a mountain?
Is sensitivity your No.1 feeling these days? Personal jokes from friends and especially your spouse seem like an attack on your soul?
Are you breathing heavily and feel short of breath many times?
Do you feel like hurting yourself or maybe just running away and getting lost and never be found back?
What is Depression?
Depression is a medical condition, it’s an illness and like in any other medical condition, it requires attention and treatment.
But what if you are the one who is depressed, you are the depressed spouse, you are the depressed wife and YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT!!!
Because the first step towards treatment of a disease is the identification of the disease itself.
We humans find it easy to identify others as depressed, disturbed, or the ones with problems.
But it’s one of the biggest challenges in life to identify your own problems yourself or figure out that something is wrong with your own self.
So now that you are in a marriage and have a lot of responsibility on your head, this family depends on you and with your well-being is the overall well-being of this family.
But now you don’t feel well at all, in fact, you are not the same happy and caring person, the person who loved reading, or cracking jokes with your hubby.
YOU ARE NOT YOURSELF!
5 Secret Signs that Tell if You are Living with a Depressed Spouse
1. Unhealthy Eating Habits
“Who cares if this is healthy or not, why should I eat salads, I mean what’s the point, even if I drink less water, or I skip dinner.”
Are you thinking like this?
This is not your normal way of eating? Right? But still, you are doing it? You are over eating or maybe eating way too little.
You are using food just as an escape to divert your body and minds attention somewhere else.
Food as comfort
According to Jean Fain, LICSW, MSW, a licensed psychotherapist in Concord, Mass., and author of The Self-Compassion Diet: A Step-by-Step Program to Lose Weight with Loving-Kindness.
People use food to self-medicate.
They may eat to improve or avoid negative or uncomfortable feelings, like sadness, shame, and self-loathing.”
Many people crave carbohydrates or soothing comfort foods, such as ice cream and cake, when they’re depressed. One reason for this is that foods high in carbs and sugar increase levels of serotonin, a brain chemical that elevates mood.via 3 Food Traps to Avoid When You’re Depressed
It can also be the case that when you are feeling too low you tend to eat less because food and taste don’t excite you anymore and you prefer sleeping through meals.
If going to the kitchen and fixing a healthy sandwich for yourself feels like a battle. And you pop in anything that’s easily available then you need to look for help.
Because when you are depressed and have developed unhealthy eating habits then your health can get compromised.
If you are the main person in charge of the kitchen and your family depends on you for the meals on the table, your unhealthy eating habits will directly affect the diet of your loved ones too.
2. Disturbed Sleep
Oh boy! This one is the most widely and strikingly affected by depression. In fact, I believe that sleep and stress are almost like lock and key.
Sleep is the foundation of your physical and mental health
When you are happy, relaxed, in fact when you are satisfied with your day although there a few minor bumps (which is normal in everyone lives) you fall asleep.
If you are a working woman, who takes care of home and also have a job, you will be so tired that you can fall asleep anywhere. Right?
But what if like your eating habits your sleeping habits are not normal?
You are sleeping way too long or you can barely sleep through the night.
Or you rarely wake up fresh. Then these can be signs of hidden depression and it means that you need to look into the issue more deeply.
3. Your Conversation is More Philosophical than Normal
So you and your hubby watched a fiction or drama movie and as usual, you discuss the aftermath together.
Have a few laughs over some scenes and then just get done with it. But now you just can’t get over with what happened to the woman who was abused by her husband.
You believe that woman is real somewhere and you think that all women suffer like her in some way. Your discussion is not only limited to the character of a movie but now this character is real to you. These women and how women are treated in this world is the biggest matter of concern to you.
Now you are discussing the purpose of life or maybe even that everything in this world is worthless. And if we are destined to die then why to be so scared of death. You talk about suicide at times.
You see such conversations are not normal and they all give a signal that you are suffering from hidden depression.
4. You are Suddenly Way too Sensitive
Ok, so you know that your sister has the habit of cracking jokes about everyone including you. You never thought how far she went with her jokes you just enjoyed these jokes and always had a big laugh with her. But now suddenly you can’t take it.
When she made fun of your cooking you are now hurt, deeply hurt. You are so hurt that you want to cry. You don’t respond to the joke the way you used to, you are just hurt.
Even a regular emotional scene between a mother and son on TV can break you down to tears, or even a minor snap from your husband over the grocery bill now makes you so mad that you just want to snatch that paper from is hand and scream at his face.
This isn’t your usual self, is it? Then what’s wrong with you ? Something is definitely wrong and you need help.
5. You Don’t Care about Anything or Anyone
Your mom, your sister, your husband were the world to you. You not only cared for them truly but you also felt immense love for them in your heart. You called your mom every day and also went to the movies with your sister.
Your hubby was simply the world to you, you were his biggest support, his comfort. He was your best friend and you shared everything with him.
But…..now you simply don’t care, you feel no emotions when you talk to your mom. You barely pay attention to what your hubby is saying. Remember he does not know what’s happening with you but he surely is getting irked by your irrational behavior.
From a normal happy person, you are becoming a rude, moody person. You are placing your own thoughts and interests first and are just failing to see others around you. This is not good, you are suffering from depression. Their behavior hasn’t changed, the problem is with you and you need to start looking for help.