If you are the “statistics” kinda person then this is not for you.
If news such as “Marriage counseling made my marriage worse” or “Counseling is the main reason behind my divorce” is giving you doubts then you surely are not even ready to fix things.
Opting for marriage counseling is a big step in a married person life and it’s a signal that things are falling apart but you still want to work it out and make things better.
But like any big decision; does marriage counseling work? Can be your biggest concern when you think about it.
Does Marriage Counseling Work? When Do Couples Go For it?
1.When The Only Reason for Staying in Marriage is Children
“I am with him only because of the kids” Or “She is a great mom, but I think she is failing me.”
If one of the partners thinks this way then it means you need to go over your relationship and that things are pretty rough for you.
Certainly, children are one of the most important aspects of marriage but they are just a part or result of it. The entire process of building a relationship not only depends on them but it depends on the commitment of each partner.
The way you are living each day and supporting each other through thick and thin. How you overcome your weakness and aspire for new dreams; all these are important elements in every relationship.
But when the only support that’s left in a marriage is children, then it’s time that you need to go for counseling. Your connection with your partner has eroded with time, and there more heartaches and pain than joy and peace.
Opting for marriage counseling at this crucial time will help you alleviate your frustration and pain. And make you think more about your relationship than only your children.
2.When One Partner is Having an Affair or Has Had an Affair
Affairs are and always have been one of the biggest nightmares in any marriage.
The world we live in is full of diversions and distractions. It’s really hard to stay focused, be it your work, your life, or just one person.
So when our partner fails to satisfy us and is not ready to commit to us, we start looking for other options. Although this is not what every married person does but those who do it, always blame the other partner as the reason behind it.
And it’s very hard for the partner himself/herself to realize that they also are one of the major reason behind it since they have failed to openly communicate with their partner.
Recovering from the pain of an affair is not impossible. Couples have done it. However, it takes time and undying commitment and willingness to forgive and forget and move forward.
When both partners are committed to therapy the marriage can be saved.
3.When You Think Separation is the Only Solution
Frequent arguments and fights in the house often lead to a painful silence and then partners wish for a break or time out.
But when a normal timeout leads to staying away from home or spending frequents nights away from home, then this can worsen the situation.
Becuase by doing this often you are developing the habit of staying away from our partner. You don’t miss your partner in fact you are enjoying this alone time. And you start craving more for this alone time.
Although when you come back things have settled down but the core problem still exists and another fight will again send you away.
If couples are facing such a problem more, then they should go for marriage counseling and learn other ways of resolving conflicts.
4.When There is a Complete Roadblock in Communication Between Partners
You’ve had enough! No matter how hard you try and whatever way you try, your partner simply fails to understand your point of view. You feel as if you are not talking to a human but a wall. All your efforts are in vain. If that’s how one or both the partners feel, then marriage counseling is the best option for you.
The counselor/therapist works as a mediator, to properly convey your message and concerns.
5. Managing Finances When Both are Working
Money money money… As they say No money no honey!
While this is not entirely true but to some extent, it does hold some value. You see when it comes to money in marriage, it is like the engine oil of your company or marriage. When one is earning and the other is managing, there are some set rules of how to spend it and when to spend it.
But when both are earning and spending it for the home. Both want equal authority over financial issues and at times this can give rise to conflicts. You are questioning more to the other partner about money. And sometimes one partner becomes more dependent on the other for money.
And especially for wives who are earning as well as working in the home often complain about sharing of responsibilities, which leads to anger and frustration.
6.When Stress is Affecting Your Relationship
Stress is a killer. Seriously, stress has the ability to rob off your identity, your happiness, and your overall well-being. We fall victims to negativity and hopelessness.
When you are in pain and anger inside its set to show outside. And these negative feelings can sometimes turn into hurtful behavior.
You are so angry that at times you are purposely trying to hurt your partner. You just want to inflict pain.
A proper therapy session, you can learn to overcome stress and find better ways of communicating with your partner.
7.When You Still Have Hope in your Relationship Despite all the Pain
And last but not the least, your hope your faith in your relationship can conquer even the fiercest of the enemy in your marriage.
Being hopeful about your relationship is a positive sign. When both partners are determined and are willing to work out on their relationship because they still feel the connection and love, marriage counseling can definitely make things better for you.
Couples Who Don’t Qualify for Marriage Counseling
Trust me marriage counseling is not magic, nor is the counselor a fixer, he/she is simply a mediator or a helper who wants to help you out or simply play the delivery guy role who can clearly deliver your messages to your partner.
Also many other signs in a couple/partner show that marriage counseling is not meant for them.
1.When Only One Partner is Willing
Marriage is a commitment of two people. So when it comes to repairing the marriage this is also the work of two people. When only one partner is willing and the other is failing to complete his/her homework and complete assignments and shows a careless attitude, marriage counseling is not effective.
Marriage counseling can only work when both partners are willing for it, left alone you can’t do it.
2.When One Partner is a Physical Abuser
The strategy of might is right can never work in a relationship. If one partner has the habit of hitting and causing physical pain to the other, then this person is not normal and relationships can’t be worked out with such abusers. They need individual treatment/therapy and if stayed in a matrimonial relation they are prone to causing permanent damage to the other partner
3.When the Couple/One Partner has Decided to End the Marriage
The belief that nothing will get better and only divorce is the ultimate solution is the end of marriage in its own self.
And maybe you are using the option of marriage counseling as a way out or announce that the marriage is over.
When one partner has an addiction problem, like alcohol abuse, then this is a major problem. And it can be extremely hard to persuade an addict for marriage counseling. In fact, it’s first recommended that he/she first have therapy for the addiction.
Remember that marriage counseling is the work of three people, the partners, and the counselor. Sometimes the counselor may not be the right match for you two and you always have the liberty of choosing another one. However, it is not alone in the counselor’s hand to fix your marriage and not always all marriages can be saved. Sometimes it is a wiser decision to separate.
But when both the partners are committed to save their relationship through marriage counseling they can find the lost love and stay in love forever!