“How can I save my marriage, my husband has closed all doors and is adamant about divorce. But I don’t want it. I still want us together.”
So you have set foot in this battle alone and all you have now is just “YOU” your hubby has closed all doors and is not ready to settle down for anything.
Maybe both of you have had enough and that is why your marriage has come to this point. Right?
And because you have picked and chose this battle alone it could be the reason that you still see the beacon of hope lighting or it could be that somewhere you find more of your own faults than his.
How Can I Save My Marriage Alone
Whatever the reason is. I wish you best of luck and hope you come home with flying colors, which you will if you try to follow these NOT SO SIMPLE BUT VERY EFFECTIVE STEPS
1. Identify the Problems
You can’t save a human life unless you identify the problem and same goes with any relationship.
This point in your marriage where you are standing now is pretty much on the edge of the cliff. And you need to cling on all possible supports to save it.
So what was it between the two of you? Finances, parents, working hours, sharing of responsibilities, medical condition, or maybe depression.
We are so busy, that we hardly find time to even think of what’s going wrong. Heated arguments between a couple then become normal. And the passion in relationship slowly begins to deteriorate.
So now since you are only who wants to know how can I save my marriage alone, you have to start working on it.
2. Try to Resolve the Problem
Now that you have identified the problems, start working on them.
If its finances, you need to control them now.
And if this means quitting your gym, or stop going to movies with friends or even cutting out some luxury grocery items. Do it now.
And while you are trying to resolve these issues don’t do it with a heavy heart, in fact, do it as a challenge. Now it’s the best time to keep your mushy emotions aside and start working like a man ( Oops! sorry I mean as a wife 🙂 )
3. List Out Issues that Give Rise to Arguments
Husbands and wives are two people who are most prone to arguing.
And why wouldn’t it be they both are doing things together as partners; such as, which table to buy, who to invite to the party, where to go for vacations, plans for next year etc.
Everything is an outcome of efforts from the two of you.
In a healthy relationship, arguments are inevitable.
Couples want to openly share their thoughts and ideas, but a problem arises when either one of the spouses selfishly starts imposing their own ideas on the other.
You see there is no set equilibrium between husband and wife and nothing can be really judged.
It could be that you have complete liberty over one department of the house like the kitchen and interior and your hubby has control over managing finances. And nothing is big or small. You both are the two halves of one whole.
Besides these major departments, there are so many other things going on between the two that we are not thinking about and just doing them.
And that’s when we argue more because now the most important thing is choosing a color for that table or making a list of guests for the party.
When neither one of you is willing to submit, then this gives rise to heated arguments and there is no more fun left.
When this becomes a habit then you argue more and more which makes the journey ahead really bumpy.
A good way to handle this problem at this point especially when you want to know how can I save my marriage alone is to go with your husbands choice, for now.
4. Find Other Ways of Discussing Things
Once you have identified the root causes of arguments, it’s time to work on improving your attitude.
It could be when both of you are selecting a color for that table, your hubby says, “I like the black one it goes with the wall” and you think, “I like the brown it’s more subtle.”
The best way to tackle such a situation is to decide with logic and math.
If matching with the wall seems more logical and the price is less then go for the black one but if the black table is double the price then explain that we can save that money and buy more cushions.
Also if he still is adamant then with a smile on your face let it be black, because it’s just a table. After some of your patience when you agree to his choices he will revert and will definitely go by your choices too.
5. What He doesn’t Like About You
When you got married maybe he was head over heels for you and so were you about him. But now it’s different now both of you are working together, it’s more than you and me now it’s Us, and when it comes to us both of you have some likes and dislikes about each other.
But now your marriage is on the verge of divorce and it could be now his dislikes about you have overshadowed your goodness and what he sees is a selfish woman, who doesn’t care about anyone?
It’s hurtful but you need to fix it.
How do you do that?
Sit down calmly and put your entire soul naked in front of you and start scanning it, without any prejudices, just be selfless and think about yourself.
Am I really selfish, do I really not show affection to him, am I not devoted to this family, am I always rude to his family members, am I failing to see the bright side of every picture?
I’m sure you might find a few yes’s and it’s completely Ok don’t feel ashamed we are human beings we are very prone to making mistakes and sometimes really silly ones. But everyone deserves a chance for resurrection and so do you.
6. Try to Become a Woman of His Choice
Once you have identified your own errors start working on them, it could be that right now your hubby is barely talking to you, and he’s really hurt, but just don’t lose hope and give up, instead make your inner self-stronger, empower yourself mentally, emotionally and also physically; a few exercises always releases some very good hormones in the body.
When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain. via Exercise and Depression
Some form of meditation, spiritual exercises or prayers if you believe in; always help.
Just like you detoxify your bodily systems you also need to detoxify your soul which over the period of time and with the wear and tear of life has become a bit toxic, needs some renewal.
If earlier you were ignoring your hubby even unintentionally start paying him 100% attention. When he’s home leave everything aside and just smile at him, look him in the eye with affection. Don’t check your phone just try to talk to him, maybe a light shoulder massage can do wonders. Just change your ways and he will come back to you.
7. Patience is the Key
Nothing happens overnight.
No matter what you do. Everything takes time, could be months or years but you just need to be patient.
Every wound can be healed. You have to be patient and believe in yourself and your relationship.
Trust me it’s definitely worth trying to win back your love no matter how long it takes.
THIS IS NOT A SACRIFICE IT’S A CHOICE!
Your choice your wish, you want to live with your hubby and you are doing this for your own self. You want him to love you and be with you.
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